maple syrup

so maple syrup goes in the pantry. it doesn't crystalize until a year or so has past. and towels that hang on a rung, no matter how wet, will eventually dry...like over night.

these are simple truths that seem to be too hard for some people to grasp. i grew up with a mother that knew she was right all the time. even when she said obsurd things. now i have a husband that knows everything and is convinced he is right all the time. not good.

sometimes, i just don't know what to do. it's those times that scare me the most because it's those times that my options are just stupid. and i become stupid.

so what is the maple syrup and the wet towel have to do with anything? why are we fighting over stupid shit? i must have snapped. but why? i snapped because it's a culmination of things. he has to correct almost everything i do. i left my own car's heat setting to defrost. he corrects me and tells me not to leave it on because it wastes gas. i was only recently allowed to use the sharp knife, cause i'll cut myself. when in actuality, he's cut himself more than i have. my driving is suicide. clothing worn means it can't be put away, so it must sit on the chair until i fold it and put it away. he works more than i do - when really i put in the long days.

i think it's a lack of respect that pisses me off. it annoys him when i tell him, but he treats me like a kid. he may not mean it, but he does. he wouldn't tell his friend not to use his sharp knife. it kills me.

i'm dead.

i hate it when that happens

there is this girl that i know who uesd to be a friend of mine. well, i have no idea if she ever really wanted to be my friend. she knew that i liked her and i tried to do things for her, but she never reciprocated in any way that would require any much effort. she hurt me and back when it was really going on, i wanted to hurt her back.

she has quite a story, and i still don't know how hers will go on. from what i know i am certain that it was her father's fault for messing things up.

she was taught to feel less without a "relationship". she was taught by her father that she was not capble and that she didn't deserve any respect, unless she was married or dating. she was taught stupid things about femininity and love. she hid her true feelings with most people and was scared to be real because her father made her so insecure with her identity that she needed a stupid and immature relationship to feel okay with her life. she was overprotected and forced or dupped into believing that she still has to live this way. controlled by her father even into her adulthood.

what's sad about this is that she used to be an incredible person. she was going along life, learning what healthly friendships are. suddenly, this stranger takes her away from the friends who liberated her from her father's perverted views of woman-hood. now all she sees is him and finds herself caught in between the embarrassment of actually wanting to be in a relationship she knows is not a good one and the thrill of being the object of infatuation and false respect. this makes her friends who are trying to help bad and the guy (little boy emotionally) good. arg.

she is so intelligent and an incredible artist, but now she is no one. she does not care about anyone any more except those who are close in proximity just as i used to be. she let me down, but really she just gave in to the inevitable. i guess she really doesn't know what it means to be a woman, because she is stuck being a girl.

men who degrade women piss me off and i want to demasculate them just as the polute and smear the beauty of females. i'm all for jesting and being real, but i will not stand for stupidity and silly control freaks who puff themselves up in order to fall asleep at night. all of this at the expense of a girl who will just let the cycle continue itself.

i miss this girl, but chances are she will never return. i hate it when that happens.

over it

so i'm over it. the last blog is yesterday's news and now i'm moving on. it doesn't mean that i can't change my mind - rather my feelings change my mind - later because i'm a female and that entitles me to some emotional stupidity....

in other news...

i like my blog when it started. some how it got worse. i'm hoping that no one reads this blog and that it's just out there floating in space. that would be nice. i like to read it now and again - it gives me a good laugh.

i'm ready to graduate and move on. i was done with school when this semester started. i'm slacking in everything i'm doing and it's making me feel like crap. there is so much i'd rather be doing right now... i would really like to have been a graphic design major. it would have been a true test. marketing only pales in comparison. i want to pursue a hobby in art. screen printing seems like it would be a blast. making something with my hands that can be shown seems like a very satisfying thing.

i doubt too much though. so maybe it's good that i gained some confidence in marketing first.

i did a weird thing today, but it was ultimately a good thing. it's probably not something i should do often, but i'm happy i did it. i let go of some bad feelings. i think i'm younger for it. resentment and hate is only for sad and pathetic old people. i told my fiance's ex girl friend that i don't hate her any more. in fact, i told her that she's an okay person and that i was sorry for being hateful. ultimately, i want it to help her. i want it to be an encouraging thing. i read her blog and she inspired me to let stuff go. i like it when stuff like that happens.

i don't like pat roberson on tbn though.

HAH!