goodmorning life!

well, on a completely different note from the previous post there's only one thing on my mind. when i think about it i smile so big, and not just any smile it's one of those inner heart smiles. it's when your soul just leaps and it shows itself in the form of the most genuine smile. my sweetie leaves to come see me today! i get to see him tomorrow! this is incredible! it's what we've dreamed about since the beginning - to travel together and visit foreign countries. can you believe a dream come true? wow.

God is incredible and so generous. being thankful is only the beginning because this feeling is so much more than thankfulness. it's realizing that those truly good-feelings you see after a really cute movie can be made from reality. feelings and knowing that everything you hoped for and longed for is found can only spur larger than life feelings. alive and knowing you're awake, really awake to what is real is what this love does for me. it's true joy and that is what scott brings me just by seeing him. incredible. i know it's all so gushy and over the top, but that's what makes this dreadful life of over the top sorrow so understandable. if the joys in life can dwarf the trials once thought unbearable, then it's worth everything, right? it's so nice to remember what things are about, really about.

the real joy comes from knowing all the unspectacular things. all the gut, honest love between me and scott is something that only makes times like these over the top. all those boring and uninspiring days and conversations of the everyday sort lead up to this incredible thing. knowing that even when i'm whiny and bored, he still listens and truly cares is incredible. when i am at my worst, he is still there to try and bring out the best.

happy days to come and love to seep out of every pore and joy to fuel every morning - this is what these next 10 days will bring. it's really true that when you really love someone it can make love out of everything else in life. i know these feelings are temporary and that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but that's how God made us. so why not enjoy it? enjoy the moment and smile so big that you turn red after a moment into the smile because you know that you have to look like a big goof ball. being cool or smooth has nothing to do with it; it's just dorky, and clumbsy love. beautiful creation of God's mind-blowing plan. i just sit in awe and splendor of the human heart and all of its capabilities. if we have so much, how much more than the one that made us. damn! that's cool!