i hate it when that happens

there is this girl that i know who uesd to be a friend of mine. well, i have no idea if she ever really wanted to be my friend. she knew that i liked her and i tried to do things for her, but she never reciprocated in any way that would require any much effort. she hurt me and back when it was really going on, i wanted to hurt her back.

she has quite a story, and i still don't know how hers will go on. from what i know i am certain that it was her father's fault for messing things up.

she was taught to feel less without a "relationship". she was taught by her father that she was not capble and that she didn't deserve any respect, unless she was married or dating. she was taught stupid things about femininity and love. she hid her true feelings with most people and was scared to be real because her father made her so insecure with her identity that she needed a stupid and immature relationship to feel okay with her life. she was overprotected and forced or dupped into believing that she still has to live this way. controlled by her father even into her adulthood.

what's sad about this is that she used to be an incredible person. she was going along life, learning what healthly friendships are. suddenly, this stranger takes her away from the friends who liberated her from her father's perverted views of woman-hood. now all she sees is him and finds herself caught in between the embarrassment of actually wanting to be in a relationship she knows is not a good one and the thrill of being the object of infatuation and false respect. this makes her friends who are trying to help bad and the guy (little boy emotionally) good. arg.

she is so intelligent and an incredible artist, but now she is no one. she does not care about anyone any more except those who are close in proximity just as i used to be. she let me down, but really she just gave in to the inevitable. i guess she really doesn't know what it means to be a woman, because she is stuck being a girl.

men who degrade women piss me off and i want to demasculate them just as the polute and smear the beauty of females. i'm all for jesting and being real, but i will not stand for stupidity and silly control freaks who puff themselves up in order to fall asleep at night. all of this at the expense of a girl who will just let the cycle continue itself.

i miss this girl, but chances are she will never return. i hate it when that happens.