feel good day

so i just got home from work and i take a shower and read my emails. i'm surprised by how much energy and good disposition i have after working 8 and half hours and knowing that i have to work 6 more hours in only 3 and half more hours. i believe it's because i am content with life. finally, no more second job that i dread. plus, i am in the midst of a good array of friends and i have my sweet fiance at my side. this is when i think to myself, "self, you have a great life."

i have ambitions for my life. it's the classic, "I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE," kind of thing. but i don't care if i'm not unique in that sense. sometimes i do find myself wanting to be set aside, wanting to stand out or different so much that it's too much. i guess it's just cause i want to be loved and reveered (sp) that i can't seem to tell myself it's okay to be okay with second, third, fourth, mediocre, and heaven forbid...average. ring that bell curve and put my name right in the middle - i'm no more and no less.

as i was standing in my house, that i share with 5 other ladies, i realized that i have the need to do things when i know i either don't have the time to finish the task, or i don't want to do the task. for instance, i often feel the urge to clean everything when i have homework or have to go to work. it just doesn't make any sense to me. take now for prime example. i am sitting in front of my computer in my robe with only 3 and half hours until i must get up to go to work. why do i continue without any regard to how i will feel in the morning? oh dear.

this really wasn't what i was intending this blog to become. i haven't blogged in so long, my crap filter has gotten holes in it. i should go buy a new one...