it has to end

it had to end. the good days had to come to an end. that was a great visit and i needed to see scott more than i thought. it was so nice to see his face smiling back at mine and that huge smile made everything so wonderful. i tried not to cry when i waved goodbye to him as his bus pulled away from the platform, but i couldn't help it. i miss him so much and he's only been gone for only 3 hours. i think i got too attached while he was here because while i cried a lot when i first left the states, i didn't feel this horrible. i am ready to come home. i not only miss him now, i miss everyone i did not get to see. he is so wonderful and i hate it when good things have to come to an end.

i know 2 and half months seems like an eternity only to the young, but i can't help but mention the fact that 2 and half months is an awful long time. i miss everyone so dearly and i think that it will be so sweet to come home that i will cry tears of joy when i land in good ol' columbus, ohio. i doubt that i will be crying to leave here, but who knows what these 2 months i have left have in store for me.

i felt inspired when scott was here. i wanted to really go and tour the small streets of this city whereas before i just wanted to stay in my room and sit in front of my computer. he gave me a sense of comfort and security here that i hadn't felt before. now i just need to keep those feelings while i am here.

i am in the weirdest mood right now. it's weird i guess because it's not just one mood. i feel like if i smell my scarf that scott sprayed with his cologne one more time i'll burst into tears and just cry myself to sleep. it would go that way if i listen to the wrong song. it's a choice to become sad right at the moment. and i'm right on the verge of choosing to become really sad or just being slightly sad, but okay. i hate being this fragile, well i don't hate it. i love scott, so i become vulnerable like this.

i really should find something to do right now. i do have some school work that would help me not choose to be sad. i could also watch some friends....eh....not many good choices today. it's 4 in the afternoon and i don't feel like doing anything. i don't feel like napping or going to see if a friend is near, i just feel sad. i know scott is still in lithuania. damn meeting. i could have gone with him to vilnius, but i have to stay here. it better be good.

this is the weirdest mood. i can't shake it. tears one moment. okay the next. arg.

all good things come to an end. and i dread that end every time.