happy independence day
today is a day of celebration and relaxation. it's lithuania's independence day which actually signifies a lot because lithuania was just recently free. it's really amazing.
i slept in this morning and it is currently 11 am and i am listening to the perfect blend of songs to keep one docile and sleepy. it's chalk full of sad songs, lonely songs, happy songs, and just plain good songs (ben harper - waiting for an angel, jason wade - you belong to me, and pete yorn - girl like you, etc.). it is my masterpiece that only i was able to create with my unique blend of messages in my music library. thank you itunes.
the reason my organizational communication professor likes me: i stated in class the other day that being vulnerable means not being in control. i guess that's what he wanted everyone to figure out.
then for the rest of the day i just realized how much i was vulnerable and how much it's worth it. i went to bed last night listening to my calming mix of slow and lulling songs with only one thought in my head. "please God, don't take him [scott] too early. that's all i ask. please...pl...ea...se..." of course i drifted off to sleep thinking these thoughts. it was emotionally necessary to even put a little tear in there.
weird to think that? i guess so. i used to do the same with my parents. after every fulfilling and perfect weekend spent with my dad, i watched as the coming week or two would take him away. i was just a little kid in elementary school, but i remember crying while i waved goodbye to my favorite playmate on almost every monday morning. the times when mom and dad would leave for a business trips were usually the times that i had nightmares that they would die. it was very sad for a little kid to have those kinds of nightmares and those kinds of feelings. i guess it's one of those things that i just carried with me into adulthood. it's partly what makes my accompanying baggage so heavy.
have you ever seen fight club. remember he went to support groups to just cry. he got hooked on it too. well, being emotional must be addicting and it must be that you just need to get it out. whatever it is. that was my last night. and that is probably the only reference i will ever make to that really weird movie. but while the tears could easily come if i only just think about the worst, it's something that i can't stop myself from thinking about once in a while. it's a very strange gratifying feeling to feel so bad. gosh. complex and stupid.
fortunately it goes by quickly. songs are a powerful thing for me. they can bring back a rush of strong feelings. weird.
well, it looks as if my emotional crap is clearing. i think i will venture outside for a walk. it seems like a perfect day for that.
cheers to blogs. and raise your glasses for lithuania today.
i slept in this morning and it is currently 11 am and i am listening to the perfect blend of songs to keep one docile and sleepy. it's chalk full of sad songs, lonely songs, happy songs, and just plain good songs (ben harper - waiting for an angel, jason wade - you belong to me, and pete yorn - girl like you, etc.). it is my masterpiece that only i was able to create with my unique blend of messages in my music library. thank you itunes.
the reason my organizational communication professor likes me: i stated in class the other day that being vulnerable means not being in control. i guess that's what he wanted everyone to figure out.
then for the rest of the day i just realized how much i was vulnerable and how much it's worth it. i went to bed last night listening to my calming mix of slow and lulling songs with only one thought in my head. "please God, don't take him [scott] too early. that's all i ask. please...pl...ea...se..." of course i drifted off to sleep thinking these thoughts. it was emotionally necessary to even put a little tear in there.
weird to think that? i guess so. i used to do the same with my parents. after every fulfilling and perfect weekend spent with my dad, i watched as the coming week or two would take him away. i was just a little kid in elementary school, but i remember crying while i waved goodbye to my favorite playmate on almost every monday morning. the times when mom and dad would leave for a business trips were usually the times that i had nightmares that they would die. it was very sad for a little kid to have those kinds of nightmares and those kinds of feelings. i guess it's one of those things that i just carried with me into adulthood. it's partly what makes my accompanying baggage so heavy.
have you ever seen fight club. remember he went to support groups to just cry. he got hooked on it too. well, being emotional must be addicting and it must be that you just need to get it out. whatever it is. that was my last night. and that is probably the only reference i will ever make to that really weird movie. but while the tears could easily come if i only just think about the worst, it's something that i can't stop myself from thinking about once in a while. it's a very strange gratifying feeling to feel so bad. gosh. complex and stupid.
fortunately it goes by quickly. songs are a powerful thing for me. they can bring back a rush of strong feelings. weird.
well, it looks as if my emotional crap is clearing. i think i will venture outside for a walk. it seems like a perfect day for that.
cheers to blogs. and raise your glasses for lithuania today.
posted by Dot Spot at 1:00 AM
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