rainy daze

it's rainy and i'm in a stupor. temperature is a mystical thing and it really bothers me. nothing is worse to me than being in a cold sweat. my mind goes blank and i am reduced to a grumpy smile and just a few stumbled, jumbled words. i don't like it, but it can't be that bad.

i am saved by a few good rooms with a great way of keeping the temperature and of course, the uncanny interest in layering.

as far as life there aren't many more truths that can be explained than by a relationship with the dear one. notice no caps. the dear one is the one that stairs at me from my desk every day with a smile that can do nothing...but make me smile back at him.

why do we do the voodoo that we do? the rational core of my being would kick my emotional heart to the curb if it could. fortunately, i can't kill myself. i play games and manipulate all the while smiling and expecting to be loved for it. gosh. this is only what he has to put up with, i can't imagine what God must take from me. girls are such fragile jelly things that they must almost need a rough boy shell. that must not be right. it's just my un-edited burp of the moment.

gosh. those eyes. that cheap, fantastic, wonderful smile. i love it. it never stops.